Why you should sit still in church

Dave read me this excerpt from The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass (aged 37 3/4) last week and it made me laugh out loud! I haven't met any Doreen Cooks in Kings yet, but the near-familiarity of this story made it all the funnier!

Sunday December 15th

Our church is getting like an auction room. One blink and you get ministered to. Sit still and keep your eyes shining - that's my motto. This morning was Edwin Burlesford's fault. Forty-five minutes on 'sin'! A record nine-fruit-gum talk. Halfway through, I was checking supplies when Edwin suddenly shouted 'LUST!', and made me drop the packet under my chair. Put my head down between my knees to locate it, then couldn't get up because Doreen Cook pressed her hands down on the back of my head. She prayed that 'our despairing brother would move from darknes to light'. I was all for that - I couldn't see a thing. When she let me get up she had one of those roguish Christian smiles on her face. Came very close to really giving her something to forgive me for. Everyone thinks I've got a big lust problem now. At coffee time they all smiled reassuringly at me. Leonard Thynn hugged me. I signed Edwin's carol-singing list for next Saturday to show that I'm not all bad.