Searching where it cannot be found

A follow up to my earlier post, here Henri Nouwen reflects on the question: "To whom do I belong? To God or to the world?"

Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that I belong more to the world than to God. A little criticism makes me angry, and a little rejection makes me depressed. A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me. It takes very little to raise me up or thrust me down...

As long as I keep running about asking: "Do you love me? Do you really love me?" I give power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world is filled with 'ifs'. The world says: "Yes, I love you if you are good-looking, intelligent, and wealthy. I love you if you have a good education, a good job, and good connections. I love you if you produce much, sell much, and buy much." There are endless 'ifs' hidden in the world's love. These 'ifs' enslave me, since it is impossible to respond adequately to all of them. The world's love is and always will be conditional. As long as I keep looking for my true self in the world of conditional love, I will remain 'hooked' to the world - trying, failing, and trying again. It is a world that fosters addictions because what it offers cannot satisfy the deepest craving of my heart.

As ever, Nouwen speaks deep sense. We put ourselves in bondage because tie ourselves to the world's expectations and demands. This is no freedom. And those demands have no power over us except that we give them. I'm reminded of a line in the sonnet 'Batter my heart' by John Donne, which struck me recently:
"But am betroth'd unto your enemy..."

We run around, desperately trying to please, to earn acceptance and love, and all the time we have a heavenly Father, who loves us desperately and is just waiting for us to come home.